Awareness of power dynamics is the core of healthy and equitable communication. We all need to be flexible to adjust and adapt to the constant ebb and flow of the balance of power in any situation or context.
When speaking with our students, we are aiming to facilitate their empowerment by using our power as adults in a positive and constructive way. When we communicate with marginalized or less confident parents and caregivers, we need to find ways of sharing power that respect and acknowledge each other’s adulthood. Otherwise, we may be perceived as paternalistic or patronizing when that is certainly not our intention. This is a particular risk when the parent or caregiver seems younger, when they are from a racialized population group, when they are less educated, or when there is a language barrier.
At times we may find ourselves needing to educate parents and caregivers on certain issues. The key is to build a rapport and a relationship as the basis. Once there is trust and respect, then we can take the risk of offering suggestions. We convey our respect for parents’ and caregivers’ capacity and competence by asking more questions (while avoiding an interrogative style) and making fewer statements, which often contain assumptions. Asking questions helps us to understand a situation, and at the same time communicates our acknowledgment of our lack of information about them and their lives, as well as our effort to understand.
Examples of language that establishes and maintains a hierarchy are the following:
- You should/shouldn’t…
- You must/mustn’t…
- You have to/you can’t…
- You’ve got to…
Communicating with the goal of sharing power means leaving options and possibilities open to parents and caregivers so they can make choices.
Examples of language that facilitates power-sharing are the following:
- You could…
- You might want to…
- Would you consider?
- How about?