Conflict Resolution vs. Bullying Prevention

Worksheet for Teachers and Other School Staff

To illustrate the appropriate use of conflict resolution, the following examples describe situations in which conflict resolution (CR) is – or is not – an appropriate response.

Nyra and Ayla, two girls in Grade 8, are very competitive with each other. Recently, during the school science fair, one of the girls accused the other one – in front of a group of other girls – of copying her science project. The next day, during a class discussion about the fair, the accused girl talked about what had happened and started crying because she felt so humiliated.

Should I Use CR?

Conflict Resolution is appropriate since:

the girls seem fairly equal in terms of power, as evidenced by their competitiveness with each other;
the incident occurred only once; there is no pattern and no repetition;
the girl who felt her science project was copied did not (necessarily) intend to humiliate the other girl; she seemed to have the intention to express and vent her anger and gain support for her plight;
the accused girl cried and said that she felt humiliated, so clearly the incident had a negative impact upon her; however, there is no evidence that she is afraid of the girl who made the accusation.

Two children – Athia in Grade 3 and Tarandeep in Grade 5 – were playing together when they both spotted, at the same time, a very popular toy left behind by someone in the playground. This lost toy was announced in the school over a period of several days, and no child came forward to claim it. Both children want to keep the toy.

Should I Use CR?

Conflict Resolution is appropriate since:

although there is an age difference between the two children, there is no evidence to indicate that there is a power imbalance;
both children are equally entitled to the toy, as they both spotted it at the same time.

A student in Grade 9, Shamar, tells you that his friend’s money is stolen by another student on a regular basis. The next day he comes with his friend, Cosmin, who reluctantly admits that this is true and begs you not to get him into trouble with the student who is stealing, as he is scared of the consequences. You approach the accused student who vehemently denies the accusation, asserting that the other was lending him money and that this was an agreement between them. He will pay him back the money and he wasn’t stealing it.

Should I Use CR?

Conflict Resolution is not appropriate since:

there seems to be a power imbalance between the two students, since Cosmin seems afraid of the consequences of telling on the student who is stealing his money, and also since his friend, Shamar, thought the situation was serious enough to tell a teacher;
there is repetition, since the incidents occur on a regular basis;
although the other student denies the accusation, there is a power imbalance, and Cosmin is upset and fearful. Therefore it is important to proceed on the assumption that Cosmin would be at a grave disadvantage in a conflict resolution process.

Dennys, a very popular boy in Grade 6 initiates and organizes different games at noon every day in the playground. All the children play, if they wish, except one boy. This boy, Tyler, is small for his age and very shy. The boy who organizes the games says he doesn’t want to play with this child, and they’re his games, since he organizes them, so he gets to choose. Tyler sits all alone during the games and looks very sad and unhappy.

Should I Use CR?

Conflict Resolution is not appropriate since:

there is clearly intentional exclusion going on – and the excluded boy is very upset about it, so two criteria have been met: intent to harm, and distress experienced by the bullied child;
there is repetition, since the exclusion has occurred during several games;
there seems to be a power imbalance, as evidenced by the social status of the two children: one is popular and outgoing, showing leadership; the other is shy and physically smaller.

A gang of boys in Grade 9 harass a boy in their class on a regular basis. They call him a “fag” and they beat him up. He is obviously terrified of these boys. He avoids them whenever he can – he doesn’t even look at them if he can avoid it.

Should I Use CR?

Conflict Resolution is not appropriate since:

there is a power imbalance based on numbers (a gang versus an individual);
there is repetition, since the harassment occurs on a regular basis;
there is an intent to harm, since the aggression is overt and direct (physical assault and name-calling);
the bullied student is experiencing great distress and terror.

A girl in Grade 3 has accused a boy in her class of stealing the dessert from her lunch. She told him off for this in front of all the kids in the lunchroom and he argued back that he hadn’t stolen it. Then she went to tell the teacher.

Should I Use CR?

Conflict Resolution is appropriate since:

there is no evidence of a power imbalance: that the boy argued back indicates that he feels fairly confident in the situation; that the girl accused the boy directly indicates that she also feels confident;
it seems to be a one-time occurrence and although the girl is upset enough to get help from a teacher, there is no indication that she is afraid and distressed.

Amit, a boy in Grade 1, was approached by another boy, Deepak, in his grade and invited to play. Amit told Deepak that he did not want to play with him. Since that time, Deepak has approached Amit every day for two weeks to ask him to play. Deepak has few friends and seems desperate to make friends with Amit. Amit is beginning to feel harassed by Deepak.

Should I Use CR?

Conflict Resolution is appropriate since:

while there is a power imbalance, based on the fact that one of the two boys has few friends and few social skills, there is no intent to harm;
Amit, who has refused Deepak’s friendship, has not done so in order to hurt him (he has not told others, he has not tried to humiliate or hurt the boy additionally). He is simply honouring his own feelings and his right to choose his friends;

NB: it is important to respect children’s and teen’s full personhood and to allow them to express their tastes and preferences. While the child who does not wish to be friends may need to learn skills to express this constructively, he should not be forced to make friends he does not want to have.

One day a boy in Grade 8 does not return to class after lunch. School staff is sent out to look for him and he is discovered tied up to a tree in the school yard. He is angry and upset, but he refuses to divulge the names of the students who did this to him. However, witnesses inform school staff who did it. When staff members attempt to discuss the matter with him, he claims it was a joke and that the perpetrators are friends of his.

Should I Use CR?

Conflict Resolution is not appropriate since:

this violent incident has had a negative impact and caused distress for the boy who was the target;
the actions directed against the targeted boy represent physical violence. Whether it was a joke or not, it is not acceptable;
the targeted boy’s refusal to divulge the names of the perpetrators and his defence of their actions may be loyalty but there is a good chance that it is due to his own fear and distress;
it would be important to explore to find out if this is a pattern of behaviour, and if there are other signs of a power imbalance.

A group of about eight close-knit girls in Grade 4 spend a lot of time together, playing together at recess and having sleepovers on the weekend. During a recess conversation, Andjela becomes furious about a comment made by Taia, which she perceives to be an insult. The next day, Andjela and all the other girls in this circle of friends refuse to speak with or look at Taia. Over the course of the following week, the group of girls bands together to ignore and freeze out this girl. Taia becomes increasingly quiet and withdrawn and begins to miss days at school.

Should I Use CR?

Conflict Resolution is not appropriate since:

while this relationship started out as a peer relationship, it has evolved into a power imbalance, as a group of girls are excluding one girl;
Taia’s reaction (becoming quiet and withdrawn, missing school) indicates that the situation is causing her some distress;
a dynamic of rejection and exclusion has developed, based on repeated incidents on a daily basis;
Andiela, the girl who instigated the exclusion, intends to hurt the other girl, as she has mobilized the whole group to act against her.

Michael and Lazar, two boys in Grade 10, are good friends – they hang out together on weekends and generally spend a lot of time together. One day the two boys have a verbal fight when Michael borrows Lazar’s leather jacket and does not return it. Lazar decides he no longer wishes to be friends with Michael. Seeing that Lazar has rejected him and will no longer talk to him or interact with him, Michael becomes furious. He begins a campaign of revenge, vandalizing Lazar’s locker, jumping on him on his way home from school and fighting him, and writing graffiti about him. Lazar retaliates and the level of aggression gradually escalates until school staff steps in.

Should I Use CR?

Conflict Resolution is appropriate since:

while there is repetition, there is no power imbalance, as both boys are participating equally in the aggressive incidents;
although Michael might be more responsible than Lazar for the initial conflict (not returning the leather jacket), both are responsible for escalating the violence.